"The way I see it, if you want to see the rainbow, sometimes you gotta put up with the rain." -Dolly Parton
I have pondered this race report for days now. Mixed emotions on all accounts but trying to use logic over feelings to decipher where I am, where I am going, and how far I have come.
I am still searching, reaching and striving for "that moment". That moment that comes around only a few times in a lifetime where you know you have put your heart and soul and every inch of your mind and body into something and have finally arrived to that "dream" moment. In no way did I expect Hawaii 70.3 to be that day. In fact, it showed me just how much further I have to go, scary and exciting all at the same time.
My body has shown improvements in all three disciples, in fact I raced to my absolute fitness potential on that day in terms of numbers (watts/HR/pace). I really couldn't have asked for a better day. This excites me. Although, when reaching for the stars I actually wanted to touch the moon.
The swim started off brutal for me. The first 10 seconds landed me kicked in the eye, swinging arms in the face, the timing chip unhooked, my cap moved from its "comfortable position", and my watch being unhooked. Yep, turned over on my back twice to fix the goggles and some other small items. Pack be gone...I didn't care. By the first buoy I was caught up and swimming with friends in a somewhat "easy" effort, I didn't want to make any pass here because the water was ferocious and knew I would just be working 10 times harder to swim the same pace. After the final turn (not sure where a yellow buoy showed up, they were all red at the start) I picked it up on the final stretch.
The bike was challenging for me. This is where I need to make some huge improvements (that will help with the run too). I was slow to get on my bike and rode solo for a very, very, very long time. Seeing the other pro girls up ahead. Climbing to Hawi I am not sure I really paid attention to what I was doing but was more concerned on how the heck I was going to get back down with the wind and the rain (ie:slippery roads). Yep, I was scared out of my mind. Hence spending very little time in aero and much more time sitting up, talking and singing to myself out loud ("The Voice" should be calling for audition requests soon soon). I have never wanted to run so bad in my life!
The run actually surprised me. No, not my time, but the fact that I felt strong throughout, my heart rate was in its perfect spot and I never let up the entire run. Even when the winds had me feeling like I was watching "The Bachelorette" on the treadmill I was still able to find some humor and enjoy the moment. Seeing the man who sees me struggle, flourish, and dream-big waiting for me at the other end of the finish line made the race that much more worthwhile.
I was happy to finish knowing I put out a strong effort, knowing I raced to my current capabilities.
What I need the most work on is my mental state. The nerves,the pressure, the uneasiness I feel before, during and after a race are much different. Things that used to come "easy" are much more of a challenge. I need practice racing, and getting outside of my mental comfort zone. Therefore I have lots of races ahead. I will conquer this!
I question-how much longer to be back where I was, to surpass where I was, how much harder do I need to work, I am reminded of having to be patient, I self-doubt, I question my abilities, and then wake up the next day with the fire in my belly, knowing what I am capable of, what I can achieve, and where I am striving to be.
Thank you to all those that continue to help me, guide me, and support me! TYR, Gerk's Cycles, TN Multisports, Powerbar, Rudy Project, Cyclops, Lululemon, Seattle Athletic Club, 110%, Recovery Boots, Curt, Dr Perry, Justin, Mom and Mark! Because of you, dreams will come true!
"The soul would have not rainbow, had the eyes no tears" -John V. Cheyney